Well, I am now nearing the end of my pregnancy, and there are several thoughts that I would like to share with the public at large.
1. Although I said I never would, I broke down and took some maternity photos. And I am so glad I did. I am fortunate enough to have a professional photographer as one of my besties, and she agreed to come over for the day and snap all kinds of pictures of me and my bump. In between waiting for the light to be right, we watched Poltergeist II and ate brownies. This is the added benefit of being besties with your maternity photographer. So throughout this post I will be interspersing my favorites from the shoot. There are some really gorgeous shots here.
2. I would like to register my frustration with the attitude toward pregnancy in the world of academia. As some of you may know, I am currently seeking my master's degree in English. This semester, whenever I walk down the hallways I get odd looks, like, "What are you doing here? How can you be going to school AND be pregnant?" And, because I am pregnant and immediately take offense to everything, I want to respond to these looks by saying things like, "I'm twenty-six, and married, and I have a job! I think I'm entitled to have a baby if I want one! In fact, I'm entitled to have a baby if I want one no matter what! And guess what? Being pregnant doesn't keep me from learning, or being able to write papers, or engage in ridiculous debates with the likes of you. So you can just take your Manhattan Once-Over and put it right back where it came from." And you know what? This is exactly how I feel. It shouldn't be weird for a woman to be both pregnant and in graduate school. Our late twenties are the best time to do both. I find it ridiculous that the graduate student girls judge women for wanting to have children, and a lot of women who have children don't understand the need to go to graduate school and continue to pursue a career. Women are capable of both, so why shouldn't they pursue both?
3. I have become very contentious in my third trimester.
4. I have suffered the most surprising disappointment of my life. All along I thought, "How great would having a C-section be? It's so easy! They just put you under, open you up, and unwrap your baby like a Christmas present!" But the longer I have lived with this little bug inside my belly, the less and less I wanted giving birth to be that easy. In fact, the idea of surgery started to sound terrifying. The very idea of an epidural (which, in case you didn't know, involves a horribly long, horror-movie needle) started to sound crazy. And after a long night of soul-searching I came to the controversial decision that I wanted a natural birth. No painkillers, no epidural, just me and the baby, duking it out. I realized I wanted to feel the pain, because it meant that I would be fighting to bring my baby into the world, and that I would be winning that battle for her. I wanted to be able to feel her transition from my inside to my outside (ew, sorry) and be able to hold her and look into her eyes right away. Then we had an ultrasound. And found out that thanks to my oddly shaped uterus, the baby is wedged into a ridiculously breeched position that barely gives her room to grow, let alone room to turn over and come out the right way. I was told that I would 100% be having a C-section, and it would be at lease somewhat planned. I would not be going into labor. I would, in fact, feel as little possible pain associated with childbirth as is humanly possible. I nearly went into hysterics. I have been very disappointed by this revelation, and have been struggling against hoping that, since the baby hasn't been born yet, there is still time for her to somehow find the room to flip. I know this is what will be best for Baby, but I can't pretend to be happy about it.
5. Finally, I am having the proverbial pregnancy cravings. This week, all I want is brownies and tuna salad. Not together, but that is just all I want to eat. I have also been drinking about a 1 1/2 gallons of milk a week, and 1 1/2 gallons of water a day. FLUIDS!
And these are the pregnancy things that are happening right now.
If you liked the photos that you saw here today, I would like to encourage you to check out some of Blair's other photos. She does more than just take pictures of distended abdomens, you know! Her gorgeous photos of all things can be found at her Flicker site, or her personal website. Enjoy!
1. Although I said I never would, I broke down and took some maternity photos. And I am so glad I did. I am fortunate enough to have a professional photographer as one of my besties, and she agreed to come over for the day and snap all kinds of pictures of me and my bump. In between waiting for the light to be right, we watched Poltergeist II and ate brownies. This is the added benefit of being besties with your maternity photographer. So throughout this post I will be interspersing my favorites from the shoot. There are some really gorgeous shots here.
2. I would like to register my frustration with the attitude toward pregnancy in the world of academia. As some of you may know, I am currently seeking my master's degree in English. This semester, whenever I walk down the hallways I get odd looks, like, "What are you doing here? How can you be going to school AND be pregnant?" And, because I am pregnant and immediately take offense to everything, I want to respond to these looks by saying things like, "I'm twenty-six, and married, and I have a job! I think I'm entitled to have a baby if I want one! In fact, I'm entitled to have a baby if I want one no matter what! And guess what? Being pregnant doesn't keep me from learning, or being able to write papers, or engage in ridiculous debates with the likes of you. So you can just take your Manhattan Once-Over and put it right back where it came from." And you know what? This is exactly how I feel. It shouldn't be weird for a woman to be both pregnant and in graduate school. Our late twenties are the best time to do both. I find it ridiculous that the graduate student girls judge women for wanting to have children, and a lot of women who have children don't understand the need to go to graduate school and continue to pursue a career. Women are capable of both, so why shouldn't they pursue both?3. I have become very contentious in my third trimester.
4. I have suffered the most surprising disappointment of my life. All along I thought, "How great would having a C-section be? It's so easy! They just put you under, open you up, and unwrap your baby like a Christmas present!" But the longer I have lived with this little bug inside my belly, the less and less I wanted giving birth to be that easy. In fact, the idea of surgery started to sound terrifying. The very idea of an epidural (which, in case you didn't know, involves a horribly long, horror-movie needle) started to sound crazy. And after a long night of soul-searching I came to the controversial decision that I wanted a natural birth. No painkillers, no epidural, just me and the baby, duking it out. I realized I wanted to feel the pain, because it meant that I would be fighting to bring my baby into the world, and that I would be winning that battle for her. I wanted to be able to feel her transition from my inside to my outside (ew, sorry) and be able to hold her and look into her eyes right away. Then we had an ultrasound. And found out that thanks to my oddly shaped uterus, the baby is wedged into a ridiculously breeched position that barely gives her room to grow, let alone room to turn over and come out the right way. I was told that I would 100% be having a C-section, and it would be at lease somewhat planned. I would not be going into labor. I would, in fact, feel as little possible pain associated with childbirth as is humanly possible. I nearly went into hysterics. I have been very disappointed by this revelation, and have been struggling against hoping that, since the baby hasn't been born yet, there is still time for her to somehow find the room to flip. I know this is what will be best for Baby, but I can't pretend to be happy about it. 
5. Finally, I am having the proverbial pregnancy cravings. This week, all I want is brownies and tuna salad. Not together, but that is just all I want to eat. I have also been drinking about a 1 1/2 gallons of milk a week, and 1 1/2 gallons of water a day. FLUIDS!And these are the pregnancy things that are happening right now.
If you liked the photos that you saw here today, I would like to encourage you to check out some of Blair's other photos. She does more than just take pictures of distended abdomens, you know! Her gorgeous photos of all things can be found at her Flicker site, or her personal website. Enjoy!
I think #3 was rendered an unnecessary statement given #2. Or at least, *I* got the message from #2. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, to expound on #2, you might not be in the mood to consider other perspectives right now, but HAVE you considered another perspective? Specifically, the one where the gaping stares are ones of awe and admiration? Possibly even sympathy, for the fact that you're trudging to school and toiling through the papers and the work even though you're in your third trimester?
Not all open-mouthed, gaping stares portend negative judgment. Some are capable of being admiration, and even positive judgment - that you're well and physically able enough to pursue a degree right now. At least, that's how *I* feel when I think about you being super prego AND fully immersed in grad-school dredge.
-A
PS - Meant to mention, the pics are gorgeous. My fave is the one of you lying down, taken from the perspective of your head, with your beautiful skin glowing in the sun and your baby bump rising over everything else! So sweet!
ReplyDeleteSecond-favorite is the first one, in color, edges blurred. Your pretty face staring into the lens while your husband/father-to-be lovingly stares at your pretty face!
Blair did a marvelous job.