As Yet Untitled

1. Everyone really does poop. That fact does not make it less embarrassing. (Though there is someone there to bring you toilet paper) 2. There are probably a lot of friends out there worried that their girl is being abused based on dark, ugly bruises all over her body--in fact, she is just being elbowed in the middle of the night by the man sharing her bed. 3. Alone time doesn't compare to together time when the sun is streaming through the window on a saturday morning and the whole family is in bed. 4. "Clean" is a word with varying definitions. 5. "level" (as in pictures on the wall) is also a word with varying definitions. 6. Cooking is a lot less of a hassle when someone thanks you for the meal. 7. Dry erase boards are the epitome of communications technology. 8. Butter, milk, chicken, and garlic will never NOT be on the grocery list. 9. Dogs are a really good preview for children. But so far I think I might make a good mother. In fact, I think we might mak...

I meant to write about this quite a while ago, but as evidenced by my blog post paucity, time just got away from me. But, better late than never. Here follows a harrowing tale of death, disdain, and heart wrenching pain. A few weeks ago, as I was walking my dogs downstairs to go for their nightly business, I heard a man talking and his wife crying. I immediately recoiled in a fit of awkwardness, thinking I was about to happen upon a lovers' quarrel. What I in fact encountered was much, much worse. As I rounded the corner I could make out what the woman was saying: "My baby! She killed my baby!" accompanied by horrible, wracking sobs. She sank down the wall, crying uncontrollably, and I was left floundering, with no idea what was going on or what to do. I turned to her husband and he proceeded to tell me that their tiny, perfect, baby dachshund puppy had been run over in our apartment building parking lot. This would have been horrifying enough, but after seeing my aghast ...

Sometimes things make me cry. This may seem like a perfectly natural statement for a woman to make. But the thing is, completely unnatural things make me cry. Things that no person ever cries at. Things that most people think are ridiculous, or at least, incidental. Things like well written blog posts. And in movies when the little guy succeeds and everyone bows to him (i.e. Return of the King, Mulan, Centerstage). The reason I am swallowing my shame and admitting these things is that a. only three people I know of will see this post, and b. I have discovered something that connects these two seemingly disconnected ideas: the fact that I want to be special. Now, I am aware that as an individual on this planet I am politically correctly considered unique. I know that there are wonderful people in my life who consider me very special indeed. What I am getting at, completely without self-deprecation, is that I am largely talentless. When people get up and start performing "weird tal...

Usually, when someone is crying, the person comforting them (or, in some cases, the person who just happens to be standing nearby when said waterworks commence) says something along the lines of "it's okay" and repeats infinite variations of this phrase over and over. The prolific application of this particular turn of phrase is utterly mysterious to me. The mystery of this action lies not in the action itself, nor the intentions of the comforter (it seems obvious to me that the intention is to bring solace, and in most cases, stop the crying), but rather in the actual meaning of the words. What do they mean, "it's okay"? Do they mean "don't cry, everything is all right?" or, "it's okay that you are crying--cry it out" (somehow I don't think this can be the case in those situations where the comforter is comforting the comfortee out of mere social obligation rather than real emotional investment) or does this inscrutable yet s...

I came across this on one of my favorite twitters the other day. I meant to address it sooner, but there you are. Books are very near and dear to my heart. In fact, if I were to compile a top five list of the things most important to me, books would be in the top two, competing for top billing with a few key people. I cherish my novels and treasure my poetry. I covet nonfiction, and revere essays. My bookshelf is always full to bursting with what I feel is a well-rounded library of tomes that would interest even the most obstinate anti-bookworm. I have always maintained that everybody likes to read- those who say they don't have just not found the right book yet. This adoration and appreciation for literature being as ingrained in my being as the necessity to breath in and out, I am understandably outraged and that anyone- regardless of their convictions- would condone or participate in the banning or censorship of books. It is a concept as abhorrent to me as any evil ideal that m...

This is how girls really feel sometimes. Which made me chuckle, but I suppose it is only somewhat hilarious that women are so confused by their feelings. Despite the turmoil of a workload to which I can never catch up, I feel today the old stirrings of anticipation at the thought of new material for next month. With the opportunity to request what I want to work on (even at the risk of getting none of my requests) I do feel that I have some modicum of control over my situation- a rare feeling for me in the office these days. However, it has led to some disconcerting feelings and makes me speculate that perhaps it is not always preferable to be close friends with your coworkers. There is no denying that competition is all part and parcel of the "work experience" , but to have to compete with people you want to see succeed can be debilitating and in some ways, more nerve wracking than trying to outplay someone you despise. In this case, it is simply hoping the the boss decides...

I was thinking about a couple of words this morning. There is often a discrepency among people as to the correct way to phrase the concept of taking information for granted. In common language, it seems that people choose to say "I assumed this was true." Many Grammar Fantatics will argue that this is grammatically incorrect because to " assume " literally means to "take on", as in responsibility. They will say that the correct word to use here is " pre sume." I have no issues with this argument, other than that it is a hard habit to break. I like the word presume. It sounds almost old fashioned and makes me purse my mouth in a way that seems to me to be almost British in nature. But as I thought more and more about this, I came to the conclusion that I might also be okay with using the word "assume" as it is, because the way in which it is most often used seems to say, "i am taking on the responsibility of taking for granted that ...