On the Anniversary of Absolutely Nothing

Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy

Once, a long time ago, an ex-boyfriend said to me in an argument, “You don’t want me. You want Mr. Darcy.” I couldn’t really deny it.

At the time I thought he was being kind of harsh, but I also began to question whether I might be a little too demanding of the men in my life. But the more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion that wanting Mr. Darcy is not necessarily asking for too much.

Matthew McFadyen as Mr. Darcy

What’s wrong with wanting a man who is your intellectual equal? A man who you can have a good argument with and feel some genuine dislike for on occasion? A man who, despite that occasional genuine dislike, keeps you titillated and your interest piqued? Mr. Darcy wasn’t a perfect man. He was arrogant, snooty, moody, given to vehement outburst and quick judgments of character. What makes him so desirable is that he balances these imperfections with intellect, generosity, and eventually, one hundred percent devotion to his girl. It also doesn’t hurt that the is tall, dark, and handsome.

Laurence Olivier as Mr. Darcy

At the risk of waxing overly sentimental, I am happy to say that I did find my Mr. Darcy. My husband can row with me like no man I know, and he thwarts me every day. He is scary-smart, very tall, and definitely has a moody side. In a word, he challenges me. And he is devoted to me. So much so, that, like Mr. Darcy, he gave up his swinging single life to be married to me.

So I say to women: don’t ever feel bad about wanting Mr. Darcy. Jane Austen was no fool. She knew what was up.

And to all the men: don’t resent Mr. Darcy. Work with him. Because you are probably more like him than you give yourself credit for.

The Imaginary Mr. Darcy--Men, this could be you!